my Author and Perfecter

2007-04-13T11:44:00.000+08:00

MOVED, to http://roarsveryloudly.livejournal.com

2007-03-05T00:09:00.000+08:00

i am tremendouly apologetic for having forsaken my blog for the past countless days. urghh i have been so piled with work i am drowning in them!
chior's been really hectic, with at least three practises a week, then there's cg on thursdays, so i'm left with tuesdays and fridays if there are no sectionals!
and i have a history essay (worth max a thousand five hundred words) due last tues! and a surprise econs test next week.
i hope the above has justified my negligence ):

will blog again soon! (i hope!)

2007-02-17T23:06:00.000+08:00

yay!
chinese new year! hahah i love this festival! ROCKS okay with all the red-packets and yummy food and all the catching up!
hahah! thank God for the long break and the time to rest! have been so tired recently. :X

so many things have been happening recently! i can say with certainty that i'm very glad to have my most adorable a14 and caregroup ppl! not forgetting my darling disco, i had lots of fun at reunion dinner that day!

i shall rely on Him and He shall guide me through this!

2007-01-30T20:37:00.000+08:00

woohooo!
haven't updated in such extremely long time! i have been unbelievably busy the past few weeks! hwachong choir is AMAZING. AND I AM IN THE LOWEST SECTION A GIRL CAN GO ISN"T THAT TOTALLY COOL! hee'. (by the way i'm in alto2.) choir has practice three times a week, monday wednesday and saturday, not to mention all the sectionals we organise ourselves! it is abosolutely draining, but i love it to pieces! well, not the draining part of course, but how the whole choir comes together to make music! and i'm part of the beautiful sound! (: the only bad thing is that choir on staurdays end quite late and i'm usually late for service. sigh sigh! last week i arrived just in time to hear pasrot shirley's second last verse! :X this problem SHALL BE RESOLVED!
yay and i'm bringing yuhui to church this sat! (: we have this special service for non-christians, and i'm encouraging everyone to come! its gonna be a very different, and i assure you, an exhilarating experience! so if you're (yes you, reading this line right now) interested, please let me know i'll be only too pleased to bring you! SMILES!
heh yes then there's also my adorable class and senior class! i love my mortal and my angel and all my lovely seniors and all my super sweet classmates! funniest experience i've had in weeks : playing bluff with classmates and seniors. i don't cheat, so i just put whatever card i have! but the thing is, (i probably have a sneaky and cunning and devious face) nobody believes me and they keep opening my cards! so i ended up winning! twice! HILARIOUS, EXTREMELY. i think we have STJ coming friday. friday is a bad day! last friday a14 got caught (well, a select few) for ponning ct. BY MR PANG, THE DISCIPLINE MASTER. yes, ouch. yeah, so anyway we're stuck with cs (no, not counter-strike, or china studies) to be served sometime soon.
A History of Excellence, A Tradition of Decadence. Yes, precisely.
yeah, so thats pretty much what i've been busy with. there are more details actually, but my failing memory deters me from putting down every minute incident. so please do bear with the hurriedness of this entry!

i have got to do my : history, econs, math, lit and gp homework.

meanwhile, i hope these jokes keep you amused.

Qns: What did the man holding the bee see?
Ans: Beauty, because beauty is in the eyes if the beholder!

the following has been kindly sponsored by classmate Alan Tang.
Qns: Why was the Garden of Eden never flooded?
Ans: Because there was ADAM! (a dam!)

HAHAHA i fell on the floor laughing when i hear these jokes! ULTRA FUNNY!

okay, till next time then! X)

2007-01-06T21:48:00.000+08:00

woah! its been ultra long since i last blogged. anyway so i've been super busy with orientation and coming back dead tired from each day's activities! BUT the thing is i had a whole lot of fun! my og's a SUPER COOL GROUP to be with! (: i love them all! especially the friends i've been rather close with these few days, geraldine, brittany, xianghui! yay! OG 18!!!

hwachong's not very different from rv. for one they are both chinese schools are place a lot of emphasis on tradition and values which they expect everyone to observe. and for another they are much more open about boy-girl relationships, which is VERY different frm rv, which tries its very best to humiliate people they think are involved in relationships. which i think is not very wise because if anything happens, the student will definitely not approach any teacher, who can probably give the best advice. well anyway its good to be in a new environment! yay! oh yes! choonyen and i got into the humanities programme!

my class: 07A14! looking forward to getting to know the class and my senior class and the teachers! i've got to admit though that i'm feeling kinda queasy abt the class cus the people there are super smart and talented and well i sure hope i can match up to them! no wait! i definitely can! because God believes in me so much, I can begin to believe in God too!

Jabez cried out to the God of Israel, "Oh, that you would bless me and enlarge my territory! Let your hand be with me, and keep me from harm so that I will be free from pain." And God granted his request. 1 Chronicles 4:10
Lord, i know i can, because You are with me and You will guide me and I will give my life to You.

i loved service today! it was so enriching and fufilling(: He works wonders!
and i got my bible today! a big thankyou to all ce2 ppl for the bible!
MY SHEPHERD IS LIPING MUAH-HAHAHA! YAY!

2007-01-01T23:51:00.000+08:00

HAPPY NEW YEAR EVERYBODY!!

its been an exciting start for me. i foresee that my spiritual journey will go a long, long way, because I find courage in You and i have faith that You will lead me.

A big thankyou to all the ce people who were on the phone with me that night, you guys made my day! Love ya all loads! (:

dearie:
he's ot worth it, forget him alright. you're a strong girl! i'll be here for you always!

2006-12-29T11:18:00.000+08:00

Matthew 5:13-16 (New International Version)

Salt and Light

13"You are the salt of the earth. But if the salt loses its saltiness, how can it be made salty again? It is no longer good for anything, except to be thrown out and trampled by men.

14"You are the light of the world. A city on a hill cannot be hidden. 15Neither do people light a lamp and put it under a bowl. Instead they put it on its stand, and it gives light to everyone in the house. 16In the same way, let your light shine before men, that they may see your good deeds and praise your Father in heaven.

2006-12-29T10:54:00.000+08:00

We rode into town the other day
Just me and my Daddy
He said i'd finally reached that age
And i could ride next to him on a horse
That of course was not quite as wide

We heard a crowd of people shouting
And so we stopped to find out why
And there was that man
That Dad said he loved
But today there was fear in his eyes

So i said "Daddy why are they screaming?
Why are the faces of some of them beaming?
Why is He dressed in that bright purple robe?
I'll bet that crown hurts Him more than He shows
Daddy, please can't you do something?
He looks as though He's gonna cry
you said he was stronger than all of those guys
Daddy, please tell me why
Why does everyone want him to die?"

Later that day the sky grew cloudy
And Daddy said i should get inside
Somehow he knew things would get stormy
Boy was he right
But i could not keep from wondering
If there was something he had to hide

So after he left i had to find out
I was not afraid of getting lost
So i followed the crowds
To a hill where i knew men had been killed
And i heard a voice come from the cross

And it said, " Father why are they screaming?
Why are the faces of some of them beaming?
Why are they casting their lots for My robe?
This crown of thorns hurts Me more than it shows
Father, please can't You do something?
I know that You must hear My cry
Father, remind Me why
Why does everyone want Me to die?
When will i understand why?"

"My precious Son, I hear them screaming
I'm watching the faces of them beaming
But soon I will clothe You in robes of My own
Jesus this hurts Me much more than You know
But this dark hour I must do nothing
Though I've heard Your unbearable cry
The power in Your blood destroys all of the lies
Soon You'll see past their unmerciful eyes
Look there below, see the child
Trembling by her father's side

Now i can tell you why
She is why You must die"

-Why, Nicole Nordeman

Jesus died for us.

2006-12-25T15:00:00.000+08:00

its not like me to live a life fraught with dangers and engulfed by darkness of the unknown. i can't say i prefer the routine; i do like my usual surprises, but i don't want to lead a life i totally have no control over. we won't work out; we're just too different. your life is not the kind i want to lead..
i'm sorry.. i hope you understand..

anyway so i was reading this article yesterday, four different writers penned their thoughts on this title: " For sale: Baby shoes, never worn". its quite amazing how different the stories are. well not that different considering that they have to revolve around baby shoes, but still.. hahah! maybe i'll write something about it too. INSPIRED! (:

YAY i love wishing people merry christmas! (: it just feels so good to be able to share the joy with people i love! especially because i was watching Love Actually when it turned twelve last night! it really made me feel that love actually, IS all around! (:

OKAY! off to watch tv now! must enjoy while i still can because i have this creeping suspision that i'll be very busy soon!

once again, MERRY, MERRY CHRISTMAS! LOVE AND ENJOY BEING LOVED! (:

2006-12-24T19:21:00.000+08:00

night in the museum is not too bad!
caught it earlier in the day, its about this museum which comes alive at night. or rather, the things inside the museum come alive at night. plot's not too cliched, but well revolves around usual themes like parental love and team spirit. the cute part abt this film is the directing i think. the director potrays the happenings from two different angles, very near and very far, and the funny part is how so many things are happening, but everything seems so calm from afar! its kinda hard to explain, i guess you've got to watch it to get it! not a must catch, but if you've cash to spare, why not!
YAY
christmas! love this warm fuzzy feeling i get every christmas, its like everyone is filled with joy and peace and hope and thanks!

MERRY CHRISTMAS EVERYONE! (:

2006-12-22T11:42:00.000+08:00

AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
am most tickled by friend's work experience. or rather experience while looking for a job. its ultra funny! the story takes place in a cheeena food stall, as the other side dials friend's number.
the other side: "wei?"
friend: * stun*
the other side: " ni shi blah blah ma?"
friend: *still stunned* " shi de, mei cuo"
the other side: *blah blah*
friend: " hao de"
the other side : *blah blah blah*
friend: "hao de"
the other side: *blah blah blah blah*
friend: "hao de"
the other side: *blah blah blah blah blah*
friend: "hao de"
and it goes on but i'm lazy to continue.
end of story? friend didn't go for interview.

hmmx. i don't think it sounds very funny on my blog.
sigh, have no talent for story telling.. not doing the tale justice.
sigh sigh!

2006-12-21T18:37:00.000+08:00

today is granddad's anniversary. i kinda miss him, especially on days like this. although i'm not very close to him, but i can feel how much grandma misses him. its just different without him.. the good thing is that he went peacefully, no pain, no troubles, and perhaps in bliss even. guess its what matters the most huh?

so today i went to grandma's house for lunch, played around with my cousins, and then went to the bukit batok polyclinic to see the doctor. i hate going to the polyclinic can?! its usually a boring 3 hour wait to see the doctor and collect medicine. and the consultation usually lasts only about 15 minutes. urghh. and today, according to the doctor, the insides of my nose are swelling, and he made me buy this spray, costing TWENTY-FIVE DOLLARS AND FORTY CENTS. absurd! waste so much money on 30 ml of spray. sigh sigh, hole in the pocket!

seniors:
disco outing, 27th dec!
bring a small gift if you want to take part in gift exchange, and we'll meet 11 ouside jurong east macs
if not, we'll meet you at the jurong east control station at 12, and then its WEST COAST PARK to play!
exciting!

how come everybody's going west coast park for outing? weird.

2006-12-19T00:38:00.000+08:00

i'm not kidding! its 6:01pm!

fun on a bridge!

says tour guide amy, "must take spot!"

me and tingting!

daddy and tingting!

family potrait!

its a lake!

in shanghai, where there's nothing much to take except buildings and silly faces!

at this place(i think its called xi tang)
which has lots of cute little shophouses

SUPER PRETTY RIGHT!

me with maple tree!
suzhou

weeping willow
(i forgot where)

2006-12-19T00:21:00.000+08:00

YAY :D

happy me! watched the holiday on monday, it was extraordinary. i recommend it if anyone wants a heart-warming tale just in time for christmas! shall not spoil the movie by saying what its about, but its a romance and it really rocks rocks rocks! (:
i have seen so few movies this year! must watch more this holiday season! and muthu if you happen to be reading this please do not forget that you still owe me a date hahaha!

i did a good deed today by helping my friend look for jobs! i hope the interview's successful because then my friend will have a new job and i will have a free ticket to charlotte's web! yay!

i've been feeling quite high the past few days, must be because of the china trip. i've said it and i'm saying it again, retail therapy does WONDERS!! haha! (:

anyway so i was editing photos from the china trip. and i tell you the scenery is BEAUTIFUL.

tomorrow: visit best friend
thursday: 4E bbq at west coast
saturday: fungmin's church outing at kallang
27th: disco outing

i think i forgot something!

2006-12-16T18:04:00.000+08:00

I AM HOME!!!!!!!!!

hahaha. actually i was home quite some time ago, reached singapore about 730 last night, just couldn't find the time to update!

so about my trip! i went to: nanjing, wuxi (i've never heard of it before this either), suzhou, hangzhou, shanghai. the trip was very ULTRA fun. its amazing how pretty and scenic the place is. especially hangzhou and suzhou. they have a phrase there, it goes shang you tian tang, xia you su hang so you can imagine how pretty the place must be! but it was quite cold there. i tell you if anybody sweats there, they must be abnormal. nanjing and shanghai are very modern. i was surprised at how much they look like singapore(other than the fact that everything is in chinese). and NO there are no toilets without doors there. seriously. you'll be astonished at how much they've progressed in the past few years. but! a minus point is that their food there is ermm not very impressive. i mean afterall who wouldn't expect china to have yummylicious food! they've served emperors for goodness sake! then again, according to james the tour guide, we haven't tried the nicest food yet. so maybe one day i'll join a tour group that does nothing but eat and try all the yummy food! haha excited!

yeah well another thing that touched me alot was when i was returning to singapore. when we arrived at the airport it was already dark, but it was BEAUTIFUL i tell you. the skyline is absolutely ROMANTIC!!! words cannot do justice to how pretty it was. its the kind of thing you must see yourself to know what i mean! so right if you guys go overseas, try to get a night flight back. or at least one that arrives in the night! haha!

i can't wait for the first day of school! crazy right! but seriously i'm excited at the prospect of making new friends and playing at orientation and joining a new cca! haha!

2006-12-06T21:50:00.000+08:00

BACK FOR A DAY AND FLYING OFF TMR NIGHT!

all this travelling's wearing me out.
took a night bus to klang on friday to visit my relatives, then came down to malacca on monday, before coming back singapore tuesday morning. then was disco chalet until today morning, lunch with chengxi to catch up and home to catch up on long lost and urgently needed sleep!

tired!

i keep jolting from my sleep! like i an sleep really soundly then suddenly just jump up feeling super afraid. then i realise that i have nothing to be afraid of! how weird eh?

i keep trying to convince myself that all this is for the better. how much of it i believe i have no idea either. they say time can heal all wounds. i sure hope it can. cus i'm feeling quite miserable and pathetic that i allowed things to turn out this way when i didn't want it to in the first place. its really like all my ideals crumbling down. sigh. i really didn't want things to turn out this way; i feel like such a failure. how is it that all this could have happened?!!

countdown: 7 years

2006-12-01T15:11:00.000+08:00

yes, this is exactly what i mean when i say i took fifty photos! there are more but i'm feeling kinda lazy to load! :P

2006-12-01T14:39:00.000+08:00

sometimes i really regret the things i do. everything ought to be so simple yet because of the difference in understanding it turns out so complicated.

no, i still do not believe that you mean all that you say. i still believe that all you have said to hurt me is to make me understand and become stronger. perhaps it is better that i believe you, so that maybe this ending will have a softer tone. honestly, even until now, i still don't know how you truly feel. if you meant what you said, why were there tears in your eyes? guilt? i'd love to think that way too. you know its honestly going to be a lot easier if i hate you. but i cannot. you have already taken an undeniable position in my heart. but i promise you, i won't let you feel guilty any longer. i promise.

lols
sounds a little corny.. but i hope then that all this stops here!

i want to find back the bubbly happy enthu me! (:

2006-11-30T12:03:00.000+08:00

last night was grad nite at crown hotel! what a day i tell you. first we went to yujia's house to meet her. and i realised i forgot my ticket! went home to get it, though i shouldn't have, cus i didn't win lucky draw ): then went to do hair and makeup at salon with yujia huiyi florence sophia. it wasn't too bad.. the wonders of the hair tongs thingy are unbelievable! i had lovely curly hair! (: then after we reached the hotel we just slacked around and well the main thing about the night was the photo-taking! i took about fifty photos! well yeah that was about it.. and i'm still really sleepy i dunno why either.. *yawns*

i'm going to malaysia tmr! then when i come back to singapore i'll be gone for disco chalet and on the 8th i'll be flying to china! so i'll prob not be blogging for a long, long time!

till i'm back then!

it happened all so quickly, even before there was time to say a proper goodbye; before she even had the chance to tell him what she really wanted..

please, may i have the last dance?

2006-11-27T20:53:00.000+08:00

today was spent quite meaningfully with aubrey at jurong east macs. we did chemistry and physics! its been so long since i last studied, i realised actually when i don't have to, i don't hate studying that much afterall!

you know sometimes you think you've gotten over something, and you set your mind and decide that yes i will get over it? i think i've been feeling a little too much on this side recently. honestly, i'm not that sure now if its a good idea to get over something so readily. sometimes just by covering over it and pretending that the hole is not there doesn't help at all. it just makes it hurt even more when you fall into it again the next time.

sigh, depressed.

2006-11-25T15:02:00.000+08:00

utterly disappointed. i have no idea how to face this. its like my sandcastle in the air has finally come crumbling down, just when i thought it would have a fairytale ending.

maybe this is why they say the beginning of jc life marks the start of a new chapter in your life. its time for me to learn to let go and focus on my priorities. so in a certain sense i should be thankful. well, since everything has already happened, all i can say is that i hope you can at least do something for the girl.

remember. you were wrong, you were the one who changed first, not me.

from today onwards, i promise myself to love myself, and to give myself the best i can. because if i don't, nobody's going to do it for me.

finding myself, once again.

changlok's right. because i put in 100%, i get hurt easily. but i'll continue doing so. cus i believe a true heart is the only thing that can exchange for another true heart. and afterall, isn't sincerity the most important thing between friends? i wouldn't want to compromise on that!

i'm sad, but i shouldn't be, cus i don't have the right to! so we're still friends! (:

2006-11-24T00:19:00.000+08:00

sc chalet today! although i only stayed for one day but i had lots of fun! learning how to play bridge was the most fun part lols! disco, lets play bridge during chalet too okay!!
anyway, to all my seniors, if you guys are readnig this, disco chalet is from 4-6 dec at downtown east and bbq night is 4th and you guys are ALL INVITED! if you'd like to come, tag me and i'll call/sms you guys with the details!

if you're back already, can you sms me please?

2006-11-23T00:33:00.000+08:00

today is wednesday! finally! (:

haha! today was fun! my best friends and i went to bugis to shop! it was crazy i tell you. we walked from bugis junction to bugis village to bugis junction to bugis village and bugis junction and bugis village. no this is not a typo error and yes, we really did walk all over the place. it was so fun! sophia and florence both got their dresses, and sophia bought new shoes to match too! i discovered that i am good at bargaining with the shopkeepers lols.

am feeling a little disturbed today. i wonder if he was lying to me. it just seems too weird to be true. i don't know whether i should trust him. changlok thinks it isn't wise to jump into things too quickly. i think so too. ohwells but i guess all i'm looking for is fun. but hey, i promise to be careful, so don't worry okay!

waiting for you;

2006-11-19T23:13:00.000+08:00

today sokh and i went to flo's house to play! haha fun! her sister is ultra cute! we decided that the next time we go we will go swimming! haha but that has to wait until i get a swimming costume. i think i've to buy one soon, i heard jc pe lessons are swimming lessons! i haven't swum in a long, long time. so long i can't even remember the last time i swam! but never mind, i'm going swimming soon! exciting!

then today i also heard a piece of shocking news.
to that friend :
what you're going through is not the end of the world. it may seem that way to you now, but when you overcome your sadness you'll realise that maybe this is for the better. afterall people learn through experience and nobody gets it right the first time! don't be too sad over it cus its time to pack up your feelings and allow them to become a memory! by holding on foolishly you're just gonna hurt yourself the most in the end. and i want you to know that i've been through this too, and i've recovered from it too! i think florence said this before, what doesn't kill you only makes you stronger. so don't think too much and take care because i care!

i like my new blogskin although its a bit wrong towards the bottom and i don't know how to corect it, haha! can anyone help?

i wish you were here to share my joy with me; i wish you were in singapore; i wish i knew what to do

2006-11-17T23:31:00.000+08:00

today is the last day of olevels!

sokh sophia and i went out to PLAY! we went to citylink and ate the kayaroti! haha then after that we went to esplanade to search for music scores. we wanted to borrow the books home but they weren't on loan so in the end we photocopied them instead. the labrary charges 8CENTS per page. its daylight robbery i tell you. but nevermind I HAVE SUPER NICE SCORES!
then after that we went to the rooftop terrace and played around like mad people. we ran in circles on the grass and jumped about! HAHa but i was super fun. then we did dares! we were each supposed to find a guy then go up to him and say "can i tell you something?" then whisper in his ear "my exams ended today" it sounds lame yes, but it was super super funny.

i miss spending time with my two best buddies. its kinda sad to think that after this year we probably won't be so close anymore. but we promised to meet up again on this same day next year and do silly things again!

sokhwei, sophia, i love you guys!

2006-11-13T23:58:00.000+08:00

i think i'm kinda stressed. ):

2006-11-12T13:47:00.000+08:00

6 MORE DAYS TO THE END OF THE BIGGEST EXAM IN MY ENTIRE LIFE
I REPEAT, 6 MORE DAYS TO THE END OF THE GENERAL CERTIFICATE OF EXAMINATIONS, ORDINARY LEVELS !

i am going crazy thinking about the fun i will have! hahaha! i just want to jump up and scream everytime i remember that there are only SIX days left! haha!

monday : Elit P2
tuesday : Amath P1
wednesday : Physics P1&2
thursday : Amath P2, Chemistry P1&2
friday : SSH P3, FUN!

to my dear friend who is sick with a nose running away, (the pun is intentional)
do take care, drink more water and get more rest before, during and after you fly to faraway exotic Thailand.
haha have fun (:

2006-11-07T22:32:00.000+08:00

i am inspired.

change is the only constant in life. irrefutably we neglect to see this and are sometimes blinded by the glory and magnificence of yesteryear. i often think to myself, what would it be like if change were unknown to mankind? i believe a life like that would be boring and dry. undoubtedly, changes help us better appreciate the goodness of what we have. it helps us open our eyes to the differences of this ever-evolving world. but it also physically takes away what we hold so dearly to our hearts. it makes us cry at farewells and it makes us cringe at re-introducing ourselves to strange faces. but change, like familiarity, is ephemeral, transient and fleeting. it is adapting to these changes which makes a person. it is change which adds spice and variety to our lives. so i guess, instead of moving on aimlessly and lamenting change, we ought to face it bravely. but then again, how many can take on this arduous journey and emerge victorious, unscathed and ready for more? tough, eh?

no matter, i'll try.

JIAYOU (:

corroding conviction

2006-11-06T22:27:00.000+08:00

emath and ss paper ones today, not t0oo bad.

just now i was collating marks for my munmmy. so many careless mistakes! my mummy looked so sad everytime i spotted another one, and she kept saying " wo lao le lao le ". oh man it was so sad to hear her say that ):

everybody grows old some day so i guess its really important to treasure who we have now. and to appreciate all our parents do for us. sigh so depressing ):

anyway, LESS THAN TWO MORE WEEKS TO END OF OLEVELS!!!!!!
muah-hahahah
rocks!
back to mugging!

2006-11-03T15:28:00.000+08:00

i wanted to update yesterday haha but i was teaching my dad how to use msn so in the end i gave up trying to update.
and my dad now is oficially IT savvy! muah-hahaha so cool right!

olvls end in 15 days!!!!
so many many things i want to do! okay now back to mugging
and to all those out the mugging too,
JIAYOU !! (:

2006-10-26T23:36:00.000+08:00

physics prac
urghh
the line became a curve and i couldn't see the image of the pin at all. wanted to puke after that cus using only one eye made me dizzy.
crap la right.
sian la, i am so not motivated. my lit sucks ): i am horrible at it and i am sad and demoralised. ):
i just can't seem to get out of the stupid b3 grade. ): really quite sad.

deceiving myself only makes things worse. i have got to face up to reality and accept what has happened, is happening and will happen. no more lies, i promise. i will protect myself.

2006-10-23T23:43:00.000+08:00

i am
ultra hyper
with a tissue stuck up my nose!
ahaha!

rarrrr
i <3 my life!

2006-10-21T23:41:00.000+08:00

):

i hate the haze
my lungs are going to burst soon
urghh.

2006-10-19T21:30:00.000+08:00

(:

i love gong!

today i am bored! again! haha. but i'm quite happy with the life i'm leading now. relaxed (:

i promise, if you ask, i'll tell you what you want to hear.
because its what i want too..

2006-10-16T20:57:00.000+08:00

today , i graduated from river valley high school.
i am surprised to say that i am glad to have graduated
after so long of struggling, i finally graduated. (:

mr chen couldn't make it for our graduation ceremony today. he is sick and may have to go to the hospital. finally, he replied charlotte's message. i remember most vividly "you all have graduated." his final message to us. yes, indeed, we have graduated. we owe our success to all the teachers who have taught us, especially mr chen. its sounds corny as ms chew would say, but we wouldn't be what we are now if not for all the wonderful teachers we have.

my dad says,

darkness stimulates germination and plant growth
how true. if not for obstacles we face, we'd never learn to stand strong and be resilient.

gong - wo de ye man wang fei!!
ROCKS! haha!! (:
wo de zui ai!!

2006-10-14T18:52:00.000+08:00

see?!!

this is why sometimes i hate computers. when i write a nice long filling post it refuses to publish itself. when i type nonsense the nonsense comes out. urghh.

i received a birthday present yesterday! a book titled how to lead a happy life for dummies and happiness powder. thank you for the gift. i'll keep everything, always. as for your promise, i'd rather you not keep it, but i can't stop you from keeping it. all i want to say is that i really appreciate all that you've done for me. thanks. (:

last night i was talking to somebody about relationships. and i think i enlightened the person because he now seems to have a very clear idea of what he should do now. so, i'm really happy for him. and, like i've said before, don't ever regret.

i guess i'm not a person who cares a lot. and i forget very easily things and favours i've received. but i realised sometimes, things that are meant to be forgotten should be forgotten. i'm tired of this guessing game. i give up.

my favourite junior has been going through a rather rough patch recently. she's a very bubbly and lively girl and everytime i see her i just want to smile along with her. seeing her so despondent makes me feel very angry at myself for being so helpless. but luckily she has her favourite senior there for her, so i guess i shouldn't worry too much.

waiting no more. i give up as of now. if i'm not sure , why should i hold on? how can i hold on?

remember, i didn't give up on you. you gave up on me first. you were wrong.

2006-10-14T18:50:00.000+08:00

i have written three entries so far that have been unable to be posted
so i'm not going to waste time writing a long one now
testing testing testing

2006-10-08T18:55:00.000+08:00

today i saw a really pretty little girl at the shop downstairs. she wasn't very tall, probably coming up to only my waist level. i know that really well cus she bumped into me. then, when i wanted to pay for my stuff, i realised my money was gone. do you think she pick-pocketed me?

i'd be really very angry if she really did. and the money wasn't a small amount.

D:

2006-10-06T20:47:00.000+08:00

i know myself just too well
its blatantly impossible
and yet i continue trying
i don't know if its because i'm too proud to admit i'll never give up
or if i've really fallen in too deeply
then again,
does it matter?
okay yeah it does.
i'm kinda sick of myself
i need something to make me happy
happy from within
not just superficially
i've had enough of the pretense
even though it keeps surfacing subconsciously
undeniably, its become a part of me
the parts i show,
are those i think can be accepted
the parts i hide,
only i can see
and these parts?
hideous.

let me share your troubles
i'll let you share mine
thats all i ask for

* and i wish upon a falling star

-------------------------------------------------

dearest changlok, thanks for the report card. it meant a lot to me. (:

-----------------------------------

i hope i'll never regret going. but i always do.

2006-10-04T17:06:00.000+08:00

my best friend needs some help and i'm at a loss as to how to help her. i hope everything will turn out alright.

everything's but a facade
enclosed in this hole of a world
limited opportunites
raging competition
intense jealousy
i lost the light
which leads to the end of the tunnel
and i wonder,
whether i will ever be able to walk out
unscathed
unharmed
innocent
unlikely
perhaps this is the process of growing up
losing and finding
drowning and emergence
maybe i should just find someone to confide in
but
expression and comprehension
who will understand?
mirroring the surroundings
becoming another dolly.
i'm ashamed to admit i'm being moulded
what purpose do i serve?
when will i find my calling?

the aim, the goal, the ultimate end. yet to be continued.

i am bored ):

2006-10-01T14:35:00.000+08:00

i have finally gotten my new phone! haha its MY NEW LOVE <3>

life has passed like a blur the last week. thickening my already very thick skin and begging for marks is a horror. now, its the moderation. it scares me to even think about it. its funny how sometimes people say your life is in your own hands. how can moderation be controlled by yourself? if i controlled moderation i would give everybody full marks for all the effort we've put in. but then again, if i studied hard enough in the first place, i wouldn't even need to depend on moderation. i need this BADLY. VERY VERY BADLY.

so, now for the revelation.
L1 - english A2
R5 - physics B3
chemistry B4
ssh B3
lit B3
emath A1
amath A1
chinese A1
hcl B4

L1R5 - 11-3 = 8

how sad ):

to my favourite senior :
when you're on top of the world, you own everything and you own nothing. when you're a mere mortal, you own nothing and you own everything. if you're contented with your lot, you will never be unhappy with what you have. so if you're not contented, does it mean that you're destined for more? i don't know. but i do know that you have the ability to stand there. you choose the path you want to take. you choose to walk, run or fly. don't ever look back and regret. let history and memory be your textbooks. evaluate, contemplate, and give it all you've got. let your life's purpose guide your decision. love what you do and do what you love. jiayou(:

i shall start working hard very very soon! (:

to go or not to go?

2006-09-23T22:09:00.000+08:00

today i finally collasped after 11 non-stop hours of ba li lian ren. status now stands at episode 16! i will finish it by tonight! haha.

diplomacy.

what does this word mean?
not literally, but what does being diplomatic encompass? to be polite and distant? or maintaining good ties? what does it mean when a person is diplomatic? or a country for that matter. if you're diplomatic, does it mean that you put up a front when facing others? so is being diplomatic good or bad?
i guess both aspects are relatively equal.

anyway sec4 sharks if you guys are reading this, i talked to him today. and from his response, i think we thought too much. from what i can see he has everything planned out and is extremely well-focused. so no worries. will give you guys the details soon. (:

its funny how listening to songs and watching vcds can change my mood. how odd.

expression and comprehension

2006-09-21T22:55:00.000+08:00

today is the last day of prelims!

ba li lian ren is ultra nice can. but so far i've only watched 5 episodes out of the 20 jayne lent me. watch until my eyes going to pop out liao haha.

hey you guys if you want me to put your blog as one of my links, please tag me with your blog add, thanks! (:

to tango the night away

2006-09-20T23:20:00.000+08:00

today i went out with soph&sokh.

woah talked like mad. discovered so many new things today.. well not all were good but some were.

anyway tomorrow is the last day of the prelims!
hees yeah(: though i feel guilty for not having put in my best effort but oh well its ending. and i shall work very hard for 'O's i promise!

today sophia told me something interesting she heard on the radio. would you rather love, or be loved? then i told her, i'm selfish! i want both! HAHA.

and i bought jaýchou's new cd today. the yi ran fan te xi. and although his singing isn't really that impressive, he's a really good musician. in the sense that he writes his own music and i really admire his music. when i listen to his music i find myself listening to the structure, the style and the way the whole piece comes together as one. and i think his songs really rock! haha i think his cd is the only one i'd buy without regrets, ultra value for money! in a nutshell, if you support him, buy his cd!

lols i sound like a fight piracy advert can.

tomorrow is chemistry practical!

oh yeah. one other thing i discovered about myself. i'm not very sensitive to my surroundings. as in í tend not to pay attention to details. which is bad. sigh maybe thats why i don't make a good lit student. its kind of sad to know that you're not good at the thing that you enjoy the most. that day i was studying lit, and i discovered that my lit is not very strong. and its really quite demoralising. don't they always say, if you have the passion, you'll succeed in whatever you do? but the point is i'm not. should a person's life be based on what she can do, or what she wants to do? if i persist, will i become better at it?

i don't know. but one thing i know for sure, is that practise makes perfect. and if i don't give myself the chance to try, i will never know if i can ever be good at it. so, the moral is, TRY! (:

never give up dreams and bow to reality. living in utopia is no good, but living with dreams gives the motivation and drive to fight for what truly matters...

2006-09-16T17:51:00.000+08:00

to be happy or to be sad?
four more tests
that i'm quite sure i'm gonna flunk.

haha. phy prac was a disaster! so many people got slaughtered by it can. anyway this week was just really hectic. for me, it was also really draining, studying mugging pia-ing and hugging buddha's legs until one two am. so if you see me, don't be surprised, i haven't been involved in a fight, i just lack sleep.

yanneng makes me laugh. he manages to cheer me up everytime i feel sad. he always manages to come up with the corniest jokes, funniest expressions and exaggerated stories to make me laugh. HAHA,thankyou yanneng(:

i wouldn't know what i'd do if i didn't have sokhwei and sophia. thank god for them. (: (so random)

i miss disco.
miss the times we'd go out together, the times we laughed together, cried together and had fun together. its not true that once i leave them i leave them forever. i guess deep inside there's still a part of me which will live forever with disco.

dang wo gu dan, wo hui xiang qi ni men de.
i promise.

yeah my family rocks. i love daddy and mummy and my sister ting.

my favourite songs(for now)
GET HIGH; fir
qian li zhi wai; jaychou&ah fei
fan zhuan di qiu; panweibo
shi jie mo ri; jaychou
faithfully; hady
chasing cars, jonathan

JONATHAN ALL THE WAY!!!

2006-09-13T23:30:00.000+08:00

i think i'm the only crazy person who still updates during prelims.
tomorrow's physics and i'm quite worried. oh wells
today i was discussing joyluck with sokh on the bus. very cool. haha turns out we feel the same way about the characters and we were analysing them. i think learning lit gives a lot of insight into human relationhips and how a human's character works. so very cool. (:
had physics tuition with cheryl. i really hate going home alone. i don't like the feeling of lonelinesss.
really exhausted.
i love wo jiao jin sanshun. its my new favourite show!

love like you've never been hurt ;

2006-09-08T01:00:00.001+08:00

An Enemy of the People

just want to share some of my thoughts after reading the play. well part of act one scene two of the play to be exact.
in the play, Dr. Stockmann wishes merely to reveal the truth about the springs so that the people of his town and those coming to the springs will have a healthy springs to go to and not a dirty disease inducing one. but his intentions are misunderstood. firstly, by Morten. who thinks that he is just trying to pull a childish pank on his brother. secondly, he seems to be used by Hovstad, who wants to take the opportunity to inject some 'hypodermic' into the 'fence-sitting deadheads', and more importantly, to show that the authorities are not always correct. i think human nature is more explicitly shown in Hovstad's response. he detests authority because he is born poor and he knows he can never hold power despite yearning to do so,which i believe is what causes the hatred within Hovstad. and because he is but human, he hates authority and shows it through taking sides against authority.

oh well. sounds like a lit essay. there's more to the play, its actually much more interesting than this, but i've only read it until here so far so.. haha.

anyway i would recommend this play to people who like the twists and turns of politics and know to expect more than good-natured response when their position and power is being threatened. its quite a cool read! haha.

today (i mean yesterdaybecause its 0103 now) was another slacker day. but oh well i went for a math tution and ms ho taught me shearing and stretching! haha. ms ho rocks she's one of the most dedicated teachers i know. (:

haha i'm studying! (:

oh yeah, to jinyin: get well soon darling! :D

2006-09-06T18:20:00.000+08:00

yesterday was a very different day. i realised actually we're constantly in contact and i've never tried not seeing him for a month. haha is it a curse? anyway i hope you get to read this! (:
well this is dedicated to you :

thankyou for everything, i've really learnt and matured a lot from being with and around you. yesterday was enlightening when you said you "bu gan xiang tai duo le". hmmx. i kinda dunno what to say to that. just that i hope the situation changes after my 'O's. i think learning to give is the most precious gift i've received from you. the second most is learning to be totally honest. and even though you always say you don't want me to give too much, you don't think thats too good for me, but well.. i guess its really kinda hard. maybe thats why we're fated never to be together. because i give too much and you don't want me to. and if i stop giving, i'll just be following what you say. which means i'm giving again. ironic, eh? but i guess thats just the way life works! haha kinda confusing yeah? but anyway, i'll work hard. for myself and those who care. (:
wo hui jiayou de, ni ye yi ding yao oh!

then another complex problem i discovered today was revealed to me during the screening of my lit text, the joy luck club. its about worth. Rose goes out of her way to give to Ted, because she believes that she loves Ted and this is the way her emotions should be expressed. but to Ted, she just becomes weak and subservient. and Ted apparently dislikes this side of her and requests for divorce. understandable, for if he wanted a wife like that he might as well go get a robot. but in the end, her mother saves her, by showing her her worth. and she realises that no one, absolutely NO ONE should live for the sake of someone else. Rose should not and need not live for Ted. perhaps its chinese traditions which cause her to be this way, for they state that a woman must be obedient and 'ever-giving' to her husband. but ironically, she has never been taught to think this way. in fact, quite contrarily, her mother recognises the need for self-worth and teaches her so. i wonder, could it be that chinese women will always be chinese? maybe deep within all of us, no matter where we stay or what we become, we will stay true to our heritage displaying the characteristics of people of our culture. haha someone should do a research on this!

yeah, worth! (: thought-provoking, eh?

well this is turning out to be a really long entry so i better end here!

as sokh would say, TaTaForNow!(:

2006-09-01T14:10:00.000+08:00

sad to say, i haven't had much luck with my first two papers, english and hcl. oh wells.
i'm pretty disappointed with myself, because i can't seem to concentrate on studying! i really need to try harder!
yesterday was teachers' day, and i want to say a big thankyou to all my teachers, for having taught me so patiently, and allowing me room for growth as a person. thankyou : mr chen, mr ng, sir, ms chew, mr suria, guolaoshi, mrs law, zhanglaoshi, ms cheang.. these are the teachers who have made a difference in my sec sch life! thankyou!(:
i'm pretty scared, cus i keep having this bad feeling that something is going to happen. i'm usually pretty accurate! anw to my jie, to grow up means to allow yourself to move on. please never forget the story that i told you, and that i will always be here for you, no matter when you may need me. jiayou(:
today, i again experienced IT! (: now i understand why families were created. or rather, why we have families. that day we were talking about whether people came about as a form of evolution, or as wherther there was this supreme creator of men. i forgot the names, but i suddenly think, maybe, just maybe, there is indeed someone who creates us. because otherwise why would things fit in so perfectly? why would we have family whom we know are undeniably the closest to us? i believe people have experienced the ugly sides of family. and i know of quite a few such people. but i still believe family is most precious.
just now as i walked out into the living room, i saw my dad sitting on the sofa, lifelessly, his head bent, lying on his chest. and i got a shock. i immediately rushed forward to wake him up. for that single moment i was almost worried that he wasn't sleeping. then it dawned on me, that i take him for granted. he who helps me wash my shoes, he who makes my cereal each morinig, he who covers me with a blanket in the night, he who provides for my everyday life. and i thank, whoever it is i have to thank, for giving me such a wonderful father, for such a wonderful family. i can't imagine life without daddy, mummy, or tingting. i have learnt to appreciate and to be thankful.

now i understand, you're not all that matters, i've found new purpose in life...

2006-08-26T15:07:00.000+08:00

I PASSED MY PIANO EXAM!!!!!!!!
my cause for celebration and happiness, haha! even though its just a mere pass..
anyway its been really long since i last blogged, that day something bad happened and i wanted to blog but just couldn't sign in. but anyway i'm over it now so everything's A-OKAY! haha. hmmx well anyway that day i saw aubrey in the toilet and started talking to her.. and well just want to share something with my beloved sharks : guys, buck up and jiayou okay! seniors are not around anymore, but we'll always be here if you guys ever need us!
anyway these few days i've been fantasizing, about the days after 'O's. well i think i'm gonna be really happy! haha fun all dat and night! so i have decided to be more committed to my studying so that i won't feel guilty enjoying myself! (: and oh yeah so that probably means i won't be blogging till end of prelims, which is like quite some time away. prelims start on monday! O:

fading away, time indeed washes away all wounds and feelings.. 2oct06

2006-08-12T20:48:00.000+08:00

its been a long time since i updated my blog!! have been super busy the past few days, trying my best to study and everything.
am down with sore throat! ): and o level English oral is on coming Wednesday! hope i get well soon!!

to all my darling sharks, thanks for being a part of my life! agm was unforgettable and wanna say a big thankyou to everyone for making my time in disco an enjoyable one! i love you guys!

leading my life without you...

national day hols literally flew past. went for the official unofficial agm on tues after national day celebrations, and sophia looks ULTRA pretty with contacts! anw i saw fungmin& junquan and i realised i still miss them alot! fungmin said something in her blog, which i totally agree with. now that i've left, it'll all become a pretty memory, nothing else i guess. well anyway after that we ate dinner at pastamania, then some of us went to esplanade, and we just stood outside the breakdancing area singing! haha i reached home at like 12plus! then the next day i just slacked around before going out in the afternoon to watch click. click is a terribly touching movie and it sounds dumb but i cried. which is saying something i guess, but anyway its really ultra nice so i'd encourage everyone to watch it! (: thursday i spent at home doing my homework THE WHOLE DAY which is saying something as well because i HATE studying and i absolutely cannot stay in my seat for more than 20 minutes! but anyway i'm proud of myself cus i tried my best and i'd say i did a lot! (:

tired tired tiredness! shall go to bed now!

2006-08-05T22:36:00.000+08:00

(: retail therapy works WONDERS! had ultra lots of fun today with flo and jayne and my darling jie sokh! haha i bought GREEN pumps which i totally love! and jayne bought like 5 pairs of earrings. earring freak! haha! neops we took were very nice too except blur me went to doodle "radiance" on the neops and ended up spelling it "radince" instead. what a laugh, my spelling is horrible!

i think i like the atrs because it challenges me to think intellectually. its beats having to memorise stuff i don't really care about, like chem and physics. of course these things are important, but they're just not my cup of tea. so i believe if i make it into jc i will take up arts. i won't want to waste time studying things i'm not very interested in and end up having to spend my whole life pursuing something i don't truly like. even though many people say that there isn't any future taking arts, i believe its the interest that pushes me on. i want to take arts even though i'm not very good at it, because i enjoy it. its a pleasure, not a chore! (:

still have no motivation to study, wasting my time online slacking!
gosh, i need to start soon. its 23 days to prelims and 11 days to olevel english oral!

2006-08-04T23:31:00.000+08:00

this has been a very very hectic week! agm yesterday, then went with changlok to jurong point to buy presents, reached home at like 10. then today saw junquan in school and decided to see him home.
talking to changlok made me realise a lot of things, things that i didn't foresee before. so i guess talking to him was quite enlightening. whereas talking to junquan was more of nostalgic cause i haven't sseen him in a very very long time and it really felt like the past again, even though he was being lame and kept letting me win and saying that i looked like minnie mouse, haha. quite funny!
oh well. but he enlightened me as well. realised a lot of things from talking to him and felt quite motivated. then i also talked to anna as well. oh and we discovered a lot of problems, and it was in all quite worrying. oh well, i'm old and retired.
tomorrow is shopping spree/retail therapy day! haha!

2006-08-01T20:53:00.000+08:00

today was ULTRA fun!! haha played tennis! haha and i'm sunburnt from it! i can't believe i burnt so easily. haha must be my long term contact with sokh, lols. she'll kill me if she sees this! (: but i'm happy cus i had a lot of fun and i haven't felt so relaxed for a very long time! okay i confess i played like ten minutes of tennis in my school uniform! but then i felt guilty so i left in the end..
which brings me to this morning's talk. felt really relieved after the talk, i guess becaue i finally saw that the juniors DO have disco in their hearts afterall. i was very afraid that they didn't. i would say that in my term of office my main aim was to let the juniors experience disco spirit, and to let disco live in their hearts. i don't know how successful i've been but i can sure say i've tried! (:
to my darling sharks:
i love you guys ALOT. cus you guys have re-ignited disco spirit in me. and i want to say a big thank you to all my darling sharks for all the effort you guys have put in, to allow us seniors to light up your candles, and ignite your disco flame. i don't know how many of you feel as strongly for disco as i do. but from a senior to a senior, i think learning skills are not so important afterall. yes indeed one may enter council to develop leadership potential, but is there any other purpose? any other purpose we're in disco? when i re-entered disco, i only had one notion in mind. i wanted to provide a disco experience, a one of a kind, memorable and unforgettable experience for the juniors. i wanted to let the sharks experience what i hold so dearly in my heart. and at the end of the day i wonder if i have succeeded? its an individual experience, and i have learnt more than skills from this experience. i've matured, grown as a person, understood myself more. and i feel that this is what i owe my seniors, this experience i've tried so hard to give you guys. and its your turn. question the existence of disco in your hearts. and think about what you want to do for disco. the seniors are leaving and disco is in your hands. changlok cannot stand alone in lighing up everyone's candles. everyone MUST play a part. this will be my final assignment for you guys. let the juniors experience the DISCO SPIRIT.

picture:

we're at the beach,standing in one straight line.
we're alone, and the rain beats down heavily on our backs.
its painful, this rain. the pain pierces us so, chilling our bones and soaking us to the skin.
to an ordinary person, this may be too harsh to bear.
but we're DISCO
we are a com.
we stand together, braving the wind and the rain.
and we emerge together, as a family.
we stand together as one.

2006-07-30T11:23:00.000+08:00

HAHA. what a funny thing! turns out chengxi is the person who left the comments! quite funny, haha. well, chengxi, thankyou for all the encouragement! thats why i love disco! all the seniors care! (:
today my dad was very angry with me cus he said i don't study enough. so i am feeling sad now. because i know what he says is true, but i'm really sad that he's taking such a harsh tone with me. but i know its all for my own good and i love my daddy. but i'm still sad i guess. ):
RARRR! ANGRYNESS NOW.
ANGRY ANGRY ANGRY!!!!!

2006-07-28T21:33:00.000+08:00

i am so so sorry to have neglected my blog for the past week): have been ultra busy the entire week, haven't had enough sleep, and have gained bigger eye-bags. and i think there is something wrong with me. i'm still sick after a week): the dull pain in the back is still there, and i've started feeling nauseous since the past two days. and NO i am NOT pregnant! today when we were walking towards the canteen with sokh i was telling yanneng i felt nauseous and he was like "sokhwei it was you right who made her pregnant?!" and mr paul lim was like giving us weird looks because of what he said. and i was laughing all the way to the canteen after that, haha! yanneng is a really fun guy to be around sometimes(: oh yeah, which reminds me. how can you know if you're pregnant? that day florence and i were talking about x-rays and like we're gotta sign the thing stating you're not pregnant before the guy lets you take the x-ray. how the point is, how do you know whether or not you're pregnant? so odd. haha.
earlier i was talking to chengxi, two years my senior from disco. so we had a very very interesting conversation, which made me realise i miss 25th alot!! just suddenly want to say a big thankyou to all the seniors in 25th who have made my time in disco such an enjoyable, memorable and unforgettable one. thank you for all your protection and the security you guys have given me. (: hmmx and he had alot to say about jc life, and i realised that jc life isn't as simple as it seems. and with so little time left in rv, i shall now start to treasure everyday of my school life, so that i will leave 4e, disco & sc, with happy memories(:
i still have so much to say! haha
well disco now is pretty.. i don't know. i have no idea either how to describe the situation we're in now.. just that.. i hope the juniors will one day look back and love the disco we've built with them(:
agm is probably.. i dont know, 8th august? haha
just now as i was on the train home there was this couple sitting opposite me. the girl was crying so badly her eyes were all swollen and puffy, and the guy just sat there looking lost. and my guess is that they ere contemplating a break-up. which brings back memories. haha but i shan't talk about that. just wanted to say that sometimes in a relationship the girl only sees her suffering and how much she has put in, and it seems as though the realtionship doesn't mean anything to the guy. but just now, looking at the couple, i realised that the guy feels as much as the girl. and it probably isn't fair to say that he doesn't care. because from his look i could tell that it hurt him alot to see his girl cry for him. so its not fair to push the blame to the guy and blame him for all your suffering. the guy is also human, he has feelings as well. the girl is hurt, but the guy is hurt as well. and he suffers more, knowing that he had to hurt you and live with it.
and to think i only realised this now..
oh well. i'm getting stronger by the day! haha. i guess the process has taught me to grow and learn more about myself.

it isn't true that you didn't teach me anything, i've learnt a lot. sometimes i just miss telling you how my day was, how i've felt and how i'm happy to have you.. (: strongest wind is invisible, blowing from within, chilling my insides, but teaching me to grow into the harsh conditions..

2006-07-23T12:21:00.000+08:00

): counted, 134, 7th jan, 21st may, 2nd oct.
when i may be able to give myself an answer for all that has happened.

still have tons of physics and amath to complete, arghh.
bleahs. FINE, I DON'T GIVE A DAMN.

i so want you out of my life. your presence makes me crumble and want to cry. yet i know its impossible to forget, you've already been imprinted, and the only way i can forget is to allow the tides of time to wash the imprints away.

to be strong, to have faith. but in what?
i wish there was an instruction manual telling you how to lead a happy life. i can envision the title already, "How to Lead a Happy Life for Dummies"
and life again seems so bleak!
i need some help here, maybe if anyone has extra happiness powder, you could share it with me? lols.
anyway.
i SHALL STAY HAPPY!
and not let obstacles get to me, or bring me down!
(: yong gan de huo xia qu, wei zi ji huo xia qu!

bu hui bei ren he ren, ren he dong xi da dao!

2006-07-22T20:35:00.000+08:00

(: glad that everything has been cleared up.

i've been trying to tell myself to forget. and i'm still trying. praying that time will heal all my wounds, and allow me to see things in a different light.
believe&forget
maybe when i realise, i'll be happier
all i wanted was someone who can share my feelings..
to grow is a tedious process, but from growth one matures. the relationship has taught me a lot, and i'm truly grateful for all that i've learnt. maybe the day i learn to give up, i'll learn who i really am..
i'm truly trying, because i know it won't ever be possibe anymore..
give me the courage

gosh today was a pig day! slept till 930, ate breakfast, and went back to sleep. woke at 130, ate lunch and went back to sleep. when i finally woke up it was time to go meet disco. am i a pig or am i a pig? or rather, it was the medicine. medicine is evil and causes drowsiness! ahaha..
my computer keeps hanging and it is quite cool to see the whole page blank even though i've been typing furiously for the past thirty seconds. then, like a miracle, letters start appearing on my screen. i have a slow computer, haha. so its actually not my fault that i'm such a computer noob!
there is a need for me to start studying soon, sigh. prelims are arriving and till now i still am living in a state of fog, trying to fumble my way through, wishing that what i'm seeing is what's really there.
i shall be hardworking! i promise!
anyway, i have a piece of good news! liying was accepted into rj dsa.. choir, i think. haha she's ONE COOL CAT!
went to je popular after my piano earlier, and bumped into anna.. went on a spending spree and felt so contented after that, haha. i guess that's what retail therapy is supposed to do to the mind, but it feels weird doing retail therapy in just one single shop.
and i still have 11 juniors' presents left to make! ( which by the way is like all of them ). we're celebrating agm on the coming saturday i heard.. wonder where the darling juniors will bring us, haha(:
shall start working hard soon! (:

hmmx. i've been wondering a lot about god these few days, is there really like someone up there who controls everything? its in all a pretty confusing concept, but i think its still good to have a sort of faith. like at the end of the day when you need help, there's this upper being you can pray to, and hope that he can help you deliver yourself from all your sins. and its good to have someone you can rely on, i guess. maybe i shall go ask one of my christian friends how the whole thing works. it sound interesting..
shall end this extremely long entry, and say byebye till i'm next feeling so idle!
AHAHA

2006-07-21T20:50:00.000+08:00

this shall be a complaint entry.

wah, just go away can
mess up my life
urghhhh!!!!!
ultra tempted to scold bad word.
there are always these people who try to make my life miserable.
so sucky
well if you think you can drive any rift between my best friends and i, YOU ARE WRONG.
and i am quite pissed now.
just go away and stop bothering me. i didn't even offend you in the first place.
whoever you are lah.
ARGHHHH!!!!
rawrrr!!!
this is one fierce tiger you are offending so you better get off my back before i chomp your head off!
angryness!

hmmx,
sorry..
dui bu qi...

to him: still thinking and aching

to grow up, telling myself,
strongest wind is indeed invisible.

2006-07-21T09:26:00.001+08:00

sick at home with a sore sore throat.

i have slept approximately 22 hours the past two days.and i'm still tired. therefore this adoloscent concludes that there is something wrong with her and has decided to see the doctor later.
anyway, to update my blog. the day before yesterday was racial harmony day. 4e made milo dinosaur for sale! and get this, EVERYONE played a part. 4E ROCKS MY WORLD. love them all. we're a really special class (well, overlooking the fact that we're the only class that takes lit), cus us here are all wonderful people with depth. we think. HAHA. not saying that non-lit people don't think, just that we think differently. anyway i was sorting out the photos earlier on, and i was super nostalgic for those moments. to think we only have so little time left. and i bet if i showed those photos on grad night with a farewell song most of the girls will burst into tears.
<3 4e forever!

ystd morning on the bus i was super pissed. two rv guys just have NO sense no decency. it was super ultra crowded on the 100(again) and the guys seated in front of me were VERY inconsiderate. firstly, the guy stuck his leg out and took up extra space. so i was trying not to fall the whole journey bacause his leg prevented me from holding onto anything at all! then, after the jerky journey, the bus finally reached the school. just as i was getting ready to alight, these two boys rudely pushed in front of me and fought to alight. how gross can it get. not even allowing the poor person standing without stability go first, much less a girl! no wonder they say rv guys are not real guys.
but of couse this only applies to people like them. the guys i know are all quite alright, haha.

dearth, lacking that feeling.
can't wait.

to grow up...
growing...

2006-07-16T19:37:00.000+08:00

where has all my time gone to? i urgently need to learn time management.
today mummy was very sweet. she woke up early in the morning and mended my bagstrap without me asking cause she saw it rip last night and knew i needed it today. my mum loves me, and i suddenly feel loved, assured and secure. to those out there who hate your parents, they love you, no matter who you are. and though it may seem otherwise at times, you're still their flesh and blood. just like how my mum gets mad at me for no reason sometimes, she loves me all the same. and even though at these times, i may lose heart and start telling myself otherwise, we are still family. and she will be in my life forever, just like how i'm in hers. i love my mummy and my daddy and ting. and i realised i sometimes take their love and how they dote on me for granted. i shall learn to appreciate them more! my life wouldn't be what it is now without them.

the love of a family
is like
the home you can always return to
the comfort you can always find
the joy you can always receive
and the tree you can always be sheltered under

and all this he taught me.

and everyday i realise,
that at this stage i'm still thinking and aching
trying and learning to accept

no matter how many coats of white i may apply,
if i'm black underneath, i'm still black.
and since people only see the white,
no one knows who i truly am

and i long for the day someone can truly see
the real person i am.

itsallbutafacade
but i'm learning
to let the white slowly purify me
so that i can at least be gray.

2006-07-15T22:16:00.000+08:00

today was speech day.really tiring, having to stand around the WHOLE time in a strangling red blazer. but it was fun, and i guess i'll really miss times like this in the future, cause i won't have any more chance to wear it.
today the funniest thing happened to me. i was on my way to liying's house in my black court shoes and we had to climb up this slope, so when i crossed the drain my heel got stuck and the whole thing came off. so i walked with a limp all the way up to her house haha. which was quite tough cause she lives in a condo on a hill so it was trudging upslope all the way.this is called karma because i laughed when i saw a teacher (think she's miss tan wan ting or something like that) get her heel stuck at the pathway outside the hall with the red brick floor. i shall not laugh at the misfortune of others in future, i promise X)
but i had alot of fun today. i went around getting people to pose for photos with me. the many wonderful photos unfortunately do not have a chance to be showcased because this noob does not know how to upload photos, ahaha. it was photo mania today! my favourites, other than the group ones, are the ones i took with jiamin with changlok in the background, the one i took with aubrey, and the one i took with ziyang. ziyang looked super cool in his ncc uniform!!
hmmm i realised actually i miss talking to ziyang. its been a long log time since we talked cause i just didn't seem to have the chance after we went to different classes..
yeah
have physics tuition tomorrow at four haha
i hope the teacher won't mind that i left every single definition question on my last physics test blank. ):

and i brushed past him, his hand patting my head
and i didn't see him again

yudao<3

wo hai shi ke yi kan dao, ganjue de dao ni dui wo de zhong yao..

wo men rao le zhe me yi quan cai yu dao
wo bi shui dou gen ming bai ni de zhong yao
jue ding le, ni de shou wo wo le bu hui fang diao.
ying wei wo yao de wo zi ji zhi dao
zhi yao ni de jian bang ye rang wo kao

to grow up

2006-07-15T00:24:00.000+08:00

today was exhausting! was in school until like 730 for speech day rehearsal where we had to carry& arrange chairs.
but it was all pretty cool, because we slacked quite alot and anna, weiguo and i brought changlok to the tunnel and we brought the disco sec4s to the cool tutorial rooms!
so actually it was quite fun. to think that i won't have any more chance to do this is quite sad i realised. and this is going to sound dramatic but a sense of nostalgia washes over me as i am typing this. in three more weeks i will have officially stepped down. wow. i'll miss disco. simple as that. i love disco like i love my family. and the fire within will never die! (:disco<3
keep falling asleep in class recently, i guess i need to catch up on my sleep! ahaha i hope mr chen and guo lao shi didn't catch me sleeping during their lessons!
anyway now i have this new favourite song, yu dao from the green forest drama serial thingy. its such a sad sad sad song but so touching. :(
tomorrow's speech day, i'm looking forward to it. yeah it signifies the last of my duties, but more importantly its the last project i take on in council. shall remember the experience always.
oh yeah i would like to say THANKYOU to my darling junior zunsiong who has so kindly lent me his camera to take photos! THANKYOU again!

wonder what i'll be doing this time next year.
erasing, adapting. but still i live in regret and hope.

I WILL BE STRONG
strongest wind cannot be seen...